All Mom’s Yell, Part 2Anna Woods
BECOME the tipping point of our day. And everything from the last day. The last week. Possibly even the past 6 months comes to a boiling point and needs escape.
And we yell.
We feel undervalued.
We can’t put to words why we feel like we do.
But here is where I am at in this journey of motherhood…
1) Rest. Sleep.
2) Don’t let the disrespect or tantrums escalate you to anger.
3) Stop Multi-Tasking.
4) Don’t push an agenda.
5) Lower your expectations.
6) Just say no.
7) I make sure I get time for my stress reliever as often as I can.
8) You are the mom, trust your gut. AND surround yourself with people who can help you BUT also know your true colors AND the environment and situation with your kids. Don’t believe everything you read.
This one has so many levels, for me especially. And it may make some people mad…but here it goes. I used to read James Dobson, I read Baby Wise. I read SO many strong-willed, discipline your child, this is how you do it books. AND I would get SO mad. My child did NOT respond to these methods. These Godly, Biblical-lead methods that I was being preached as the only way. Did NOT work. I prayed over my child. I disciplined her. I read her Scripture. I saw how it worked for other mom’s AND I would YELL. Why didn’t this method of doing it God’s way work for me?! It was supposed too. It was Biblical. And yet, it only made my situation with my child worse. And I realized my child was different. BUT it took me accepting it first. Then, it took me letting go of all I was taught as being the norm and working, and realizing I had to forge my own way. I had to do what I felt was best for my child. And work with her, and help her in a non-typical way. And all then, only, then…was I able to release some anger and frustration at myself, my inabilities, and my “less-than” mentality I had imposed on myself for not being able to raise my child like I was being told was the “way.” And I was able to stop YELLING.
9) Let your kids in your life.
I used to get so angry when they would try to help me. Or get in the way. Or beg to help me with a task I was already struggling with. “Man! Just get out of my way so I can get this food cooked…” Or “leave me alone so I can get my workout done! UGH, LEAVE me alone!” “No you will make a huge mess, you can’t do this with me…” When I slowed DOWN, for one. When I stepped back and realized they weren’t trying to purposely annoy me. Or get in my way. When I took my own “needs” out of the picture for awhile, and realized they wanted to just be with “me” or do what “I’m doing”..the anger turned to compassion. For some reason, it never crossed my mind they actually might want to spend time with me or learn from me….FOR a very long time. I would watch my husband be so patient and giving of his time and talent. Or my in-laws or parents let them make messes and I could see how much fun my kids would have with that…and realized they weren’t actually trying to ruin my life…haha, they wanted to be a part of it. I would stop YELLING so much.
10) Communicate better.
I would get so mad when I’d yell out 2-3 directions or chores or things I wanted completed when I’d get home from work or class…and I’d return home to find NOTHING done. Or it was only half-done or done completely wrong. And I would YELL because I felt disrespected. Man, worst feeling ever to be white noise in a house full of people you’d give your life for. And here’s what I learned…my kids were not understanding my 3 yelled statements of chores. I was not communicating exactly what I wanted in a way they could process. Especially my oldest with sensory processing issues, my son who can’t hear, and my baby. (ha! makes me laugh now looking back at my disgust in my kids and their lack of doing chores, when I now know their short-comings) So now I write my list down of chores for the week. Each day has an assignment…they know ahead of time the expectation for the week…and NO more of me throwing a chore in at the last minute, demanding them to do it as extra because I am mad….